The RebelTaxi Road Trip to Hell and Back!
by sombreromoustache
Summary: Pan Pizza and the rest of the Pizza Party Podcast travel across the country in order to get Pan laid, but their journey won't go off without a hitch. Or a few hitches. (a RebelTaxi Fanfiction)
1. Chapter 1

"AYYY! It's the Pizza Party Podcast, who are all you people?" asked a lonely Mexican-American Pizza to his colleagues over Skype through a snowball.

"Hey it's Jim," an aged former rapper now movie critic, Jim of the Nuckforce replied in his echoey house.

"And I'm Izzy!" an animator added enthusiastically.

"And I'm Nolan and I ruin everything," Nolan finished, the jadedness showing off in full swing.

The four animation fanatics discussed many things with each other, how the animaiton and film industry was killing itself, how the video games they loved weren't all that great, and Izzy and Nolan gushed about Steven Universe and Sym-Bionic Titan while Jim had a philosophical dicussion with himself about films.

Meanwhile, Pan sat back listening to his friends talk about the things they loved. He looked on his desk a framed picture of himself and Raven that he photoshopped.

"Oh, Pan should we get to the questions?" asked Izzy, reminding the Pizza that he had a podcast to do.

"Oh right! If you have a question please leave a comment in this video and title it, question. And our first question is, Question. Why can't we just email you questions as opposed to just leaving comments, and we're just going to ignore that," Pan threw the comment into his paper shredder, "Anyways, question."

The podcast went on to many tangents and to many good laughs, "Alright, I better stop laughing or I'm gonna get a cramp! Pan, what's the last question?" Jim asked, holding his side.

"Alright, here I got it. Question, Pan. Have you ever dated a goth girl?" Pan read out loud, "Also this person spammed the question forty-three times. And the answer is no," Pan answered, the other three noticing a change in his voice, "Anyway! Who were you people?"

"I was Jim,"

"I'm Izzy,"

"And I was Nolan,"

"The next video is going to... goodbye every pony!" Pan ended the recording and the skype call and wandered through his room looking at all the goth girl pictures he had. They were all so beautiful to him, but he knew that none of them would love him as he did.

He wandered into the streets as the Vasquez Twins screeched into his microphone, lamenting over goth girls that wouldn't date him.

"Man, if only there was one goth girl that would go out with me," Pan lamented. He picked up his cell phone and look at the dark screen, "I told myself I would never do this, but desperate times call for desperate measures."

While sitting on the curb, Pan made a profile on a popular dating site. When everything was set up he clicked aprove and sat waiting for someone to message him.

"Hmm, maybe I should change my bio to something that's not this," Pan thought to himself, looking at his bio which read, "GOTH GURLS! SMEXX THIS PIZZA UP!"

Before he could do such a thing, he received a message from another user. Half expecting it to be a fan requesting him to Ed Edd n Eddy, he clicked on it. There he saw a very attractive goth girl by the username xxxbloodygothicrose666xxx had messaged him.

"Hey, Pizza Boi! Heard you like goth pussy! Well I live in Seattle, and if you want this piece of this gothic ass, CUM, to me bby ;)."

Under any other circumstance, Pan would have chalked that up as someone trying to troll him. But at that time, Pan was desperate for some goth booty, and one had offered it to him on a silver platter! Problem, Pan lived in *NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD* and she lived in Washington.

"To the Rebel Taxi!" Pan shouted and ran into his parent's garage, entering his high tech, state of the art, taxi car with cupholders. With a turn of his key he drove off from the garage, "AW YEAH! Seattle here I come!"

"What are you doing in Seattle?" Nolan came out from the backseat.

"Nolan? What are you doing here?" Pan asked as he drove out of *NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD.*

"I've been living in the Rebel Taxi for the past few months. Now why are we going to Seattle?" the Sym-Bionic obsessed man asked.

"I've got a goth girl with my name on it! And I'm gonna go spank it!" Pan declared.

"Oh fuck, we should go pick up Jim and Izzy!"

"Wait, why should we pick up Jim and Izzy?" Pan asked.

The two of them looked towards sombreromoustache, the shitlord writer of this story who was also inexplicably in the Rebel Taxi, "Look guys, I just write this story, I can't explain or justify why you guys do it."

"Fuck off, shitlord," Nolan kicked him out of the taxi and onto the freeway.

And then, Pan's journey to get laid began. Nolan came along because he was obligated to do it at this point. Jim sat in his apartment and Izzy was gushing about Steven Universe on tumblr. Soon, the four would converge and they would travel together to get Pan laid!

And yes this is the plot of this story. Brace yourselves, I plan to make it a trilogy.


	2. Chapter 2

In *NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD* Izzy was lying down in her bed amongst an ocean of Steven Universe plushes, making the noise someone makes when they're in a state of ecstasy. You know how in anime a character is in ecstasy they have those swirly eyes? Izzy basically had those eyes.

Izzy broke out of this state when she heard the Rebel Taxi honking outside her apartment. She looked out of her window to see Nolan and Pan holding up a sign that read, "Road Trip Bitches!"

Izzy rubbed the bridge of her nose and walked outside, "Guys, what the hell is going on?"

Nolan put duct tape over Pan's mouth so that he wouldn't make things any weirder, "Pan's got a lady waiting for him in Seattle, so we're going on a road trip," Nolan explained.

"IMMA GET A GOTH GURL!" Pan's enthusiasm earned him getting locked in the Rebel Taxi.

"You want to come along?" the very tired Sym-Bionic Titan fan asked.

Izzy looked inside the car and saw Pan lusting over pictures of goth girls and back to Nolan, "I have nothing better to do," she replied, entering the back left side of the car.

* * *

"And that is why the Ninja Turtles were the greatest characters created during the 20th century and so-

Jim was enjoying rambling at a wall he pretended was an audience when he heard the honking of the dreaded Rebel Taxi. He stepped out of his home and raised his arms in a way as to ask, "Pan what the hell are you doing outside my house?"

"Pan what the hell are you doing outside my house?!" Jim demanded.

Pan, Nolan and Izzy opened the door to him, "We're going on a road trip, Jim. Get in," Nolan explained.

Before Jim met Pan, he would have said hell no and blasted him with a shotgun. But years of being desensitized by Pan's shitposting on Skype made him accept whatever bullshit Pan and his podcast cohorts came up with, "Alright, but let me pack my bag," Jim walked back into his home and came out a few minutes later with a large bag that he placed in the Rebel Taxi's trunk, and got into the car.

"Wait, we could have packed for this?" Izzy exclaimed, "I just brought what I was wearing!"

"Pan you piece of shit! Why didn't you tell us to bring bags!?" Nolan yelled at their boss.

"Hey, I didn't bring any bags, either!" Pan defended himself.

Jim rubbed his eyes while he buckled up, "Wait, I didn't pack a change of clothes. The bag has... Other stuff."

Izzy, Nolan, and Pan each gave Jim a confused glance, "What stuff?" Nolan asked.

Sweat started building up on Jim's head as he came up with answers, "You know. Stuff you bring when your friends show up at your door."

Pan shrugged his shoulders, "Whatever, we're in New York and we gotta head to Seattle!"

"Wait, why did you guys get *NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD* but Pan can just say where I live," Jim demanded.

"I think it's because you've stated on the podcast that you lived in New York, so the writer doesn't feel the need to hide that," Izzy explained.

"Plus it adds to the humor, imagining how me and Nolan drove all the way from my house, to Izzy's and then to your house all offscreen, making it more complicated than me just driving from *NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD* to Seattle," Pan explained.

Jim nodded his head like he understood what was going on, "So what's the point in this roadtrip?"

"We're gonna get Pan laid," Nolan answered.

Jim unbuckled his seat and opened the door, "Later guys, I'll remember you all in therapy," and he would have set himself to the mercy of the highway if Izzy hadn't pulled him back in.

"Jim if we're stuck with Pan on this trip, then you are too!" Izzy declared.

"Alright, but while we're here," Jim set a mike on the Rebe Taxi's console, "Let's use our time wisely.

And so they traveled onwards. To get pan laid. There's three more chapters to this. And remember. A trilogy.


End file.
